A Wizard of Oz Parody
by Half-Wit Ed-Boy
Summary: A parody of The Wizard of Oz containing characters from Mar, my Ed, Edd, and Eddy fanfics, Billy and Mandy, and Cow and Chicken.
1. Chapter 1

**A Wizard of Oz Parody**

**By: Half-wit Ed-boy**

**Chapter 1: Attack of the Munchkins! (Sort of)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, Mar, The Wizard of Oz, or any of the random characters I've put in this fanfic. However, the original characters are mine.**

It was an average Friday afternoon in Peach Creek. In Peach Creek Middle School, the final bell has rang and the kids scramble out the front door. The kids pile onto the bus and away they go.

"Finally, it's Friday, Double D!" Eddy screams with excitement. "That means scams, scams, and more scams!" Eddy is short and is wearing a yellow shirt with a vertical red stripe going down the side of it. He has a wallet chain hanging out of his pocket and has three long hairs on his head.

"And it also means that I get to watch cartoons tomorrow morning, Eddy!" Ed says excitedly. Ed is wearing a white and red-striped t-shirt and a green jacket over it. He has a unibrow and a buzz-cut haircut. He's the tallest.

"Well I have some extra credit homework to do. I gotta keep my grades up!" Double D says. His real name is Eddward, but his friends call him Double D to avoid confusion with Ed. He wears a beanie on his head with white stripes going down both sides of it and wears a red shirt. He is the medium sized Ed.

The bus comes to a stop at the cul-de-sac and the kids exit the bus. One kid has an unusually large chin and is wearing a red baseball cap and a green shirt. This is Kevin. A different kid gets off behind him. He has a large head and very short hair on the top of it. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt and is carrying a 2x4 piece of wood in his hand with a face drawn on it. His name is Johnny and his board is Plank. Next to get off is Nazz, one of the girls almost every boy has a crush on. She has short blonde hair and is wearing a white shirt with black sleeves. Behind her are Sarah and Jimmy. Sarah is Ed's younger sibling and is wearing a pink sleeveless shirt and has red hair. Jimmy has a blue shirt on and has a retainer that goes around his head. Ginta is the next to get off. He's wearing a pair of glasses and has on a white, buttoned up shirt. He has spiky yellow hair. And the last people to get off before the Eds are Rolf and Ginta's girlfriend, Koyuki. Both have short, blue hair. Rolf is taller and is wearing a yellow shirt with a thick, red stripe wrapped around it. Koyuki is wearing a typical Japanese school outfit. The Eds finally jump off the bus. Everyone else goes home and leaves the three boys standing at the bus stop.

"Well, let's get started, boys!" Eddy says. "Here's the plan…."

But before Eddy could tell his friends the scam he came up with, he hears the sound of two voices. One of them shouts, "DOUBLE D!!!" The other shouts, "ED!!!" He looks off into the distance and sees two girls running their way.

"Carrie!" Ed shouts back, his arms open. Carrie is the same height as Ed. She has spiky, blonde hair that goes halfway down her back and is wearing a black t-shirt with "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!" written on it and is wearing baggy jogging shorts.

"Oh, dear!" Double D says, bracing for what was to come. The other girl is Dorothy. She has pink hair braided into two long pigtails with two large purple beads in each pigtail and has a hat similar to Double D's on her head, only it doesn't have any stripes on it. She's wearing a black dress with a white neckpiece and has black armbands on her forearms that are attached to her middle fingers. Her fingers are covered in rings and her wrists are covered in bracelets. She's carrying a fancy-handled broom in her hands that has a red orb attached to the end of it and there's a small axe blade towards the center of it. Ed and Carrie give each other a hug and Dorothy tackles Double D. Eddy glares at the pink-haired witch angrily.

"Hey, you pink-haired freak, LEAVE DOUBLE D ALONE!!!!" Eddy yells. Dorothy releases Double D, grabs Eddy in a headlock, and gives him a noogie. Eddy screams with frustration and yells, "I hate noogies!" Dorothy puts the short Ed-boy down, turns around, and wraps her arms around the brainy Ed-boy.

"Dorothy…can't…breathe…!" Double D wheezes. Dorothy loosens her grip on him and Double D gasps for breath.

"Hey, Ed, let's go watch Space Leech V: Wibbles vs. the Zombie Brain Munchers from Planet Gaa!" Carrie says.

"I'd love to, but I got to help Eddy with his scam." Ed says, his face downcast. The same expression spreads across Carrie's face.

"Oh," Carrie says. Her face perks up. "Hey, what if I helped?" Ed's face lights up when he hears Carrie's idea.

Ed folds his hands together, gets on his knees and begs. "Please, Lord Vader, can Carrie join us for the day? I promise I'll feed her!"

"Okay, Carrie can help out with our scam, if she gives me a kiss!" Eddy says. Dorothy slaps him in the face. Eddy falls over backwards and has a red handprint on his face.

"Don't you speak about my best friend like that, you frog-faced jerk!" Dorothy growls. Eddy sits up and rubs the side of his face.

Minutes later, the scam is set up. This time, Eddy is selling some of the junk he found under Ed's bed. Carrie and Ed are putting some finishing touches on the sign and Double D is cleaning the gunk off everything. Eddy is just standing there, being Eddy.

"I wonder what happened to Edward and Fred Fredburger." Eddy says. Across town, both Edward is walking down the sidewalk. Edward is a dog who's wearing a Santa hat and large glasses. He's also wearing blue jeans that are held up by suspenders. Fred Fredburger is following him, singing, "La, la, la, la!" in a horrible voice. He's about the same size as Edward and is a green, elephant thing. Edward isn't enjoying the green, elephant-like creature's company.

Back at the cul-de-sac, the sign is finished. On it is painted chibi versions of the Eds and Carrie and the words, "ED'S ANTICK SHOP". Double D has finished cleaning the merchandise and Eddy places the final touch to his shop: a jar sitting off to the side for collecting the dough. Eddy looks at the sign.

"Looks good to me!" Eddy says. Double D examines the sign carefully.

"They spelled 'antique' wrong, Eddy!" Double D says, unimpressed by Ed and Carrie's job. He sees the drawings all around it and smiles. "But, I have to say, it is very creative."

Some of the kids gather around to look at the collection of broken action figures and wheel-less cars. Just then, it starts to cloud up and it gets windy. Ed and Carrie then randomly run across the cul-de-sac flying a kite. The sound of thunder fills the air and lightning lights up the sky. The sky turns pitch black and Kevin quickly turns on his radio. After playing some sort of rap music for a few seconds, a voice comes on.

"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important weather bulletin." The voice says. "A tornado warning has been issued for the Peach Creek area. Please note that this is a Doppler radar indicated warning. Please seek shelter immediately!" Kevin turns his radio off and Eddy looks up at the sky and sees the clouds spinning.

"Hey, look, Double D." Eddy says, pointing at the sky. "It's a new kind of cloud!" Double D stands there looking up at the sky, speechless. Dorothy walks over to where Double D is standing.

"What's wrong with Double D?" Dorothy asks Eddy.

"He's just jealous that I discovered a new kind of cloud and he didn't." Eddy replies.

"T-t-t-tornado!!!!!" Double D screams at the top of his lungs. Another character runs out of her house. She's wearing a lab coat and a red bandanna on her head. Her hair is long on the sides and cut short in the back. She has a pair of safety goggles in her hand. This character is May.

"Don't just sit there like a bunch of ignorant baboons!" May yells. "Take cover!"

"Let's sing a song!" Ed yells. The tornado touches down and races towards the cul-de-sac, uprooting trees and demolishing buildings. Dorothy and the Eds run into Double D's house and race up to his bedroom.

"Wait! We need to hide in the basement!" Double D yells after them, but they are unable to hear him for the howling winds and the loud crashing of thunder. Suddenly, the house is lifted up off the ground and the windows shatter.

"Oh, no, we forgot Carrie!" Ed says, realizing that she didn't follow them.

They look out the window at the howling, swirling winds. Kevin is on his bike riding backwards yelling, "Not cool, man!" A mailbox hits him in the face. Next, Rolf's farm animals fly by the window. Rolf follows, hanging onto the side of his cow. "Rolf needs a bandage!" He shouts. Next, the Kankers' trailer flies past the window. Inside, the Kanker sisters are sitting on the couch, acting like nothing's happening.

"Hey, Lee, tell those stupid neighbors of ours to keep it down!" Marie says.

"Go tell them yourself," Lee answers. The trailer passes by the window.

"We gotta find Carrie!" Ed says, running around Double D's bedroom with his hands on his face. The house is suddenly sent flying through the air and lands on solid ground with a thud. Everyone is standing in different defensive positions with their eyes closed ready to block all debris that came their way with their arms.

"Well, that was a rip-off!" Eddy shouts angrily.

"Do it again!" Ed yells. Unexpectedly, the floor caves in and the four fall into Double D's living room and are knocked out cold. Minutes later, Dorothy wakes up. She stands up and looks around. There's nothing but splinters of wood and glass. The witch looks around for Double D and Ed, but is unable to find them. She runs outside to see that the house had landed in a small town. Someone's legs are sticking out from under the house wearing a pair of blue-jeans and army boots. All the cul-de-sac kids except for Kevin and Nazz then come out of some thick bushes wearing nametags that have MUNCHKIN written on them.

"The witch Dorothy has slain the evil witch!" Rolf says. "A celebration I say!"

"Right on!" Johnny shouts.

"Whoa. Where are we, Double D, and why am I wearing this stupid nametag?" Eddy asks Double D.

"There's a sign right behind you that says 'Munchkinville', Eddy." Double D informs his friend.

"I am a Munchkin!" Ed yells. He laughs hysterically.

"Wait, who was it I killed?" Dorothy asks.

"Jon Arbuckle." Johnny answers.

"He tortured us every day with his cartoons about farm animals that could talk without moving their mouths!" Jimmy explains.

"Now, witch Dorothy, take off his boots." Rolf commands the witch.

"And why the heck would I do that?" Dorothy asks, not too happy about Rolf's command.

"We don't know!" Sarah says angrily. "It's in the script so do it!" Dorothy takes off Jon's shoes and then some paramedics pop up out of nowhere, throw Jon on a stretcher, and run off.

"Oh, boy, this is the part where we sing!" Ed says. He starts singing. "Oh!!!!!!!! Eddy's mom is a…."

"Hold it! Hold it! First of all, if you finish that song, Ed, I'll tear your eyebrow off!" Eddy threatens. "And second of all, I know where this fanfic is going, so you guys are on your own! I think I'll wait for the movie!"

"Rolf suggests that you hold your tongue, loud mouthed Ed-boy, or the writer will punish you!" Rolf warns.

"I'm not afraid of any…" A random lightning bolt falls from the sky and hits Eddy, electrocuting him. "Ouch! Okay! I'll go along with the story!"

"_That's better!"_ A voice says.

"Who the heck are you?" Sarah shouts.

"_I'm the writer, Half-wit Ed-boy."_ The voice explains. _"I'm the one in charge of the story, and if any of you try and defy the story, you'll wind up like shorty over there!"_

Suddenly, a puff of smoke explodes in the middle of the town and a figure appears. He is fat and red all over and is wearing a fairytale witch's outfit. He's not wearing pants.

"Well, hellooooo! It's the wicked witch, BOB PANTSOFFSKI!!!!!!!" He yells. "Who's the little brat that squashed my brother with this house?" He buttwalks around the town.

"She did it!" Eddy yells, pointing at Dorothy. Bob buttwalks up to the pink-haired witch.

"So, it was you, ya pink-haired freak!" Bob yells. Eddy laughs.

"Who are you calling a freak?" The witch asks angrily. "I'm not the one running around half naked!"

"Oh." Bob says. "Well anywho, give me those boots!"

"Why do you want them?" Dorothy asks him.

"Because I need a new pair!" Bob yells. "It's so hard to find a good pair of boots around here."

"Don't give them to him!" Johnny shouts. "He'll do something evil with them!"

Dorothy shoves the boots in Ed's coat pocket. "You're not getting these boots!"

"I'll get those boots sooner or later, and those stupid Eds, too!" Ben shouts angrily. In another puff of smoke he vanishes. Nazz then pops up out of nowhere.

"Hello, dudes and dudets!" Nazz says. "I'm, like, the good witch!"

"Could someone please tell me what's going on here!?" Double D shouts.

"Okay, here's the thing. Dorothy and the Eds have to go see the Wizard of Oz so everything can go back to normal." Nazz explains.

"Wiz, wiz! Time to wazz!" Ed sings.

"But, where is this, 'wizard'?" Dorothy asks Nazz.

"Just follow this golden path!" Nazz answers her.

"You mean yellow brick road." Double D corrects her.

"That's one of my favorite flavors of ice-cream!" Ed says.

"I'm not going to do it!" Dorothy says defiantly, folding her arms across her chest.

"_DO IT, OR ELSE I'LL DO TO YOU WHAT I DID TO EDDY!!!!!!!!"_ A voice says.

"Okay, okay! You don't have to get mad. I'll go!" Dorothy says. "At least I'll get to spend some time with Double D!" Dorothy puts her arm around the sock-hatted Ed-boy and he starts sweating.

"Let's just go before someone sees this stupid nametag on me!" Eddy shouts, trying to pull the munchkin nametag off of his shirt.

And so, the four begin their journey down the yellow brick road. What dangers will they face? Will that pantsless red witch ever wear pants? Will they get to the wizard? What other random cartoon characters will I include in this fanfic? Find out in the next chapter, The Scarecrow, Tin-Girl, and Elderly Lion!


	2. Chapter 2

**A Wizard of Oz Parody**

**Chapter 2: The Scarecrow, Tin-Girl, and Elderly Lion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, Mar, The Wizard of Oz, or any of the random characters I've put in this fanfic. However, the original characters are mine.**

Last time, we left our four heroes just as they started down the yellow brick road so they can go see this wizard guy and turn everything back to normal. What dangers and other random things will they find along this weird road? Read and find out!

"I hate this fanfic!" Eddy complains. "The Wizard of Oz was the dumbest movie ever made!"

"Oh, shut up!" Dorothy yells at him.

"I wish they would have told us how long this road is." Double D says. "All I see up ahead is miles and miles of road and corn fields."

"Carrie liked corn." Ed mentions sadly. "I miss Carrie! Whaaaa!" Ed starts crying and flooding Eddy with tears.

"Oh, shut up, blubber-puss!" Eddy screams. "Hey, who's that up the road?"

Up ahead, Carrie is sitting on the side of the road, eating corn straight off the plant. Carrie is wearing the same t-shirt that says, "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU" and the same shorts and hairdo. The only difference is that her skin seems to be made out of burlap and pieces of straw are sticking out of the stitches in her arms and legs. A flock of _very _big crows swoops out of the sky. Terrified, Carrie hides inside the cornfields as the crows fly over her. They seem to be laughing at her as they fly into the distance. A rather unhappy farmer who saw the whole thing emerges from the other side of the field.

"What's wrong with you, scarecrow?" The farmer asks Carrie.

"What's a scarecrow?" A confused Carrie asks, looking at her arms. "Can I be a zombie instead? Zombies are cool and they can pull their arms out of their sockets! Or maybe I could be an alien and have big bug eyes and a pet Chihuahua named Richard!"

"You, by far, are the worst scarecrow I've ever seen!" The farmer yells, ignoring Carrie. "You're afraid of any bird bigger than you are. You're a scarecrow! The birds are supposed to be afraid of you! And second, you eat more corn than all the birds combined! Scarecrows aren't supposed to eat! You're supposed to be guarding my crops, not eatin' them up like some ol' wild hog! You better shape up, scarecrow, or else your new job will be to become a low-cost gasoline I can use to power my tractor so I don't have to spend so much on gas!" The farmer storms off. Ed recognizes Carrie and runs towards her.

"Carrie!" Ed yells, tackling her.

"Whoa, Carrie! What happened to you?" Dorothy asks her.

"I don't know." Carrie answers. "The last thing I remember is that it got really windy, and then I woke up in the middle of this field of corn and found that I was made out of straw and stuff. And then there was this crazy guy who yelled at me and an alien attacked George Lucas. Anyways, look at what I can do, Ed!" Carrie pulls her arm off.

"Cool! Let me try!" Ed says. He tries to pull his arm off, but he just hurts himself.

"Hey, now that I think about it, I'm kind of like a zombie!" Carrie says. "This might not be so bad after all, except that those birds won't stop picking on me. I'm afraid of large birds, unless that large bird happens to be a large chicken!"

"I am Ed!" Ed shouts randomly. Carrie laughs at him.

"Ed, when we see that wizard, we're gonna get you a new brain." Eddy says.

"What's a…brain?" Carrie asks.

Ed starts dancing around. "If I only had a brain," Ed sings. "Da, da! Da! Da, da, da, da! I'd…wait! What were we singing about again?"

"Can we just leave before Ed starts singing again?" Dorothy asks everyone.

"Can I go?" Carrie asks. "I don't want to stay here and be used as an organic gasoline for that farmer's tractor, get eaten by huge birds, or get attacked by that guy's talking pants!" Everyone looks at Carrie, confused.

"What has Ed been feeding you?" Dorothy asks Carrie.

Eddy then walks up to Carrie and says, "Sure, Carrie, if you dump the lump and…"

"EDDY!!!!" Dorothy and Double D scream at him.

"Okay, okay!" Eddy says, backing off. "Let's just go."

"Maybe we'll be attacked by Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers!" Carrie says. "That would be fun!"

"Ed, you seriously need to stop feeding Carrie whatever it is you're feeding her." The witch tells the Ed-boy.

And so, the five of them walked off, but before they went any farther, the farmer came back and discovered his scarecrow was missing. He then follows a trail of straw and sees the group walking down the road.

"Hey, you thieves! Gimme back my scarecrow!" The farmer yells, running after them with a weed eater. "I need fuel for my tractor!"

"Hey, it's that guy from before!" Carrie says. "Why does something in my head tell me that this is a bad thing?"

"Run ladies and gentlemen!" Double D screams in alarm.

"Who are Ladies and Gentlemen?" Carrie asks the brainy Ed-boy.

"I'll handle this, Double D!" Dorothy says, pointing her broom at the angry farmer. She swings it, sending a giant wall of wind at the farmer. The wind sends him flying over the horizon, far away from them as possible.

"Bye-bye, um, whoever you are!" Carrie says, waving at the farmer. "But seriously. Who was that guy? He seems familiar somehow."

Eddy points his finger at the farmer, laughs, and says, "Man, that was a good one, Dorothy!"

"If I hadn't have promised Double D, I would have done the same to you a long time ago!" The witch growls at the three-haired Ed-boy, who hides behind Ed in fear of the pink-haired witch.

And so, the five continue walking down the road. And they walk and walk and walk. After a while, it gets really hot. Hours later, they're still walking, they're tired and hot, and they've come to a fork in the road. One branch goes through a forest while the other goes through more corn fields.

"Okay, so which way do we go?" Carrie asks.

"Let's go that way!" Ed says, pointing in both directions.

"We can't go, 'that way', you idiot!" Eddy says, mocking Ed.

"LET'S GO TO MCDONALD'S!!!!!" Carrie shouts.

"We can either go right and see nothing but corn, or go left and see tall trees and who knows what." Dorothy says.

"We're going left." The whole group says at the same time.

"Aw, but I wanted to go to McDonald's…" Carrie whimpers.

And so, once again, the five begin walking, only this time, they're surrounded by trees. The forest isn't very thick and even though the sun is shinning through the trees, the shade from the branches cools it down a bit. A slight breeze begins to blow, making it cooler. Eventually, the group comes to a metal house fitted with all sorts of technological gadgets. In front of it across the road is, May!? She is made out of some sort of weird metal and is holding an ax in her hand. In front of her is a portable wood-burning stove and a pot that looks like it was once filled with water. Beside it is an oil can.

"Cool! May is made of metal!" Ed says. He and Carrie run up to May and start knocking on her head, making metallic banging noises. Eddy covers his mouth and tries to hold in his laughter.

"I wish I had my camera phone." Eddy says, trying to suppress his laughter.

"Would you two stop doing that, please?!" May shouts. Ed and Carrie jump back. May tries to move but is unable to.

"It's some sort of angry, talking metal statue!" Carrie says with surprise.

"Whoa! Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the scrapheap this morning!" Eddy says, laughing. Dorothy cracks him over the head with the broad side of her broom handle.

"What happened, May?" Double D asks her.

"Well, after being sucked up by the tornado, I woke up in that house over there, and when I stood up, I discovered I was made entirely out of some iron-like metal!" May explains. "Noticing immediately that I wasn't in Peach Creek anymore, I quickly began doing experiments. I'm stuck in this position because I was boiling some water to see if it boiled at the same temperature as it does in our world, but as I was chopping some wood to go into the stove, the water exploded all over me, and my joints rusted."

"I know how to fix this!" Ed shouts. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bucket of gravy.

"Ed, I like gravy as much as you do, but I don't think gravy will help May at all. I think you should go with ice-cream." Carrie tries to tell her boyfriend, but it's too late. Ed pours the whole bucket all over May. May's face turns bright red with anger and Double D grabs the oil can and oils up May's joints. Finally able to move, May holds her ax over her head and starts chasing Ed around and around her house. Ed is laughing insanely.

"Wait until I catch you, you stupid pinhead!" May yells, swinging her ax.

"Ha! Ha! Can't catch me!" Ed shouts back. Eddy rolls over on his back and bursts out laughing.

"I just busted a gut! Ha! Ha!" Eddy says, laughing uncontrollably. "Call a doctor, Double D!" Eddy laughs and laughs while pounding his fists on the ground. Tired, May finally calms down and collapses on the ground, unable to catch Ed, who is still running around her house at the same speed as when he started. Ed trips over Eddy and crushes him.

"Okay. I'm hurt now!" Eddy screams.

"Now that's funny!" Dorothy says.

"I don't get it…" Carrie says, scratching her head in confusion. Suddenly, the pantsless witch appears on a flying fishing rod.

"Well, hello! It's me again!" Bob Pantsoffski announces. "I am here to tell you that I want those boots! Now give them to me OR ELSE!!!!"

"No way!" Dorothy shouts at the weird, pantsless guy.

"No pants, no shoes, no service!" Ed shouts at Bob.

"Fine, then I'll just leave you with a little present!" Bob laughs maniacally, and then he farts. "Um, that wasn't the gift. That was the Chinese food I had for lunch. Here's the real present!" He pulls a lighter and a jug of water out of his nose, pours the water in his mouth, lights the lighter, and spits the water on the lighter, creating a jet of flame, scorching everything. In fear, Carrie jumps in Ed's coat pocket, May is unaffected, Eddy is hit and is running around on fire, Double D is hiding behind a tree, and Dorothy is dodging the flames. After catching almost everything on fire, Bob disappears in a puff of smoke, choking on it as it surrounded him. Carrie pokes her head out of Ed's pocket, Eddy is laying on the ground, burned to a crisp, and Double D emerges from his hiding place.

"Well, that was exhilarating!" May says sarcastically. "This guy is the villain? Ha! I've seen scarier! I think I'll tag along with you guys, just because I'd like to see him get his butt kicked."

Carrie crawls out of Ed's pocket and says, "All of a sudden, being made out of straw isn't fun anymore!"

"Okay, now I really need that doctor, Double D!" Eddy says, coughing out black smoke.

"We better keep moving." Double D suggests, putting out a small flame on the tip of his hat. "I'm sure that this wizard will protect us from that maniac. I just hope we get there in one piece!" 

"Don't worry Double D!" Dorothy says heroically, putting her arm around Double D's neck. "I'll protect you from that pantsless freak!" Double D's face turns red with embarrassment.

Finally, the group presses onward, this time with a sixth member. As they move deeper into the woods, the vegetation gets thicker and it gets darker. Eventually, after all this walking, everyone except May grows hungry.

"I'm hungry!" Carrie whimpers.

Ed's stomach growls and he says, "Me too!"

"I don't need to eat." May says. "I have no stomach. In fact, I have no gears, circuits, or anything. I'm hollow." May knocks on her stomach and makes a metal clanging noise. "Oh, well. I guess this isn't so bad. At least I'm not able to smell Ed's horrible odor."

"Easy for you to say! I'm made out of straw!" Carrie says. "That guy will burn me to a crisp! Then again, I'd be able to roast marshmallows on myself!"

"Hey, look!" Eddy says. Up ahead, on the side of the road, are rows of peach trees. The group runs ahead and reaches up to pick peaches when suddenly, they're stopped by a familiar voice.

"Hey, you rotten kids!" The voice says. "Those are Dracula's peaches! Get lost, or else Dracula will have to get rough!" Suddenly, peaches fly from out of the trees, pummeling the group. Tired and confused, the group backs away from the trees. Ed and Carrie are catching the peaches and eating them while May is just standing there, the fruit harmlessly glancing off her metal body. Outraged, Eddy picks the peaches up and throws them back at the trees.

"Ouch! Hey, watch it, short kid! Ouch! Ow!" The voice says. Next, Dracula comes tumbling out of the tree wearing a lion costume. He stands up and balls up his fists. "All right! Now Dracula's gonna get rough! Dracula…ouch! Dracula's hip! Gaa! Dracula's getting too old for this!" Dracula falls on the ground again.

"Oh, dear! Are you all right?" Double D says, helping the vampire up.

"Forgive Dracula. Dracula's just mad because the writer put Dracula in this suit and the zipper gets stuck!" Dracula complains. "Now Dracula has to wear this hot, itchy suit!"

"Hey, if we take you to see this wizard guy, maybe he'll help you get out of that lion's belly." Carrie suggests. "But, you have to share your fruit and take us to McDonald's!" Carrie winks at Dracula. Dracula thinks for a minute.

"Okay. Dracula wants out of this suit and Dracula hates peaches, so blonde girl gotta deal!" Dracula says. Carrie and Ed gorge on peaches while the rest eat a moderate amount (except May) and they go off again with another new group member. After walking down the road for a while, it becomes extremely dark.

"Eating all those peaches back there made me hungry." Carrie whines.

"I got some pudding skins and gravy cakes in my jacket!" Ed says.

"Oh, boy! Pudding skins!" Carrie says.

"Even though I know Carrie needs to eat constantly or else she'll die from malnutrition by the end of the day, it still amazes me how much she can eat." May says. "She ate enough peaches back there to feed half an army for a month!"

"Hey, Dracula wants what Blonde Girl is having!" Dracula says, getting a whiff of Ed's pudding skins. "Dracula loves pudding!" Dracula takes one bite of one of Ed's pudding skins and he nearly throws up. "You call this food? Dracula's eaten toe jam that's tasted better than this junk!"

"Hey, look up ahead!" Dorothy says. Finally, the edge of the forest is up ahead. Excited to see daylight again, the seven runs towards the sunlight. As they leave the forest, they see a field of flowers and in the distance is a great city with a huge wall made out of some black material with golden, wavy lines in it. As the group continues their journey down the road, questions are answered and others are formed. Will the wizard be able to turn everything back to normal? And isn't it a tad bit too easy to just walk down a road going through a field of flowers to get to a powerful wizard? And what about that weird red guy? Will he ever wear pants? Find out in the next chapter: Perils in the Poppy Field! The Red Guy strikes again!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Perils in the Poppy Field! The Red Guy Strikes Again!**

Eddy growls in frustration and asks, "What's with these stupid flowers?"

"I wish there was a McDonald's here instead of flowers." Carrie whines. "I'm hungry again!"

"Dracula's hungry, too!"

"Well, the Emerald City is just up ahead, and I'm sure they'd have something to eat." Double D says.

"ONWARD TO VICTORY!!!!!!" Ed shouts. Before the group goes any farther, the Red Guy jumps out of a bush.

"Well, hellooooo! I'm…"

"Do you always have to introduce yourself when you make an appearance!?" May shouts angrily.

"Yes! If you have a problem with it, TOO BAD!!!!!"

"Why the heck do you want these smelly old boots?" Dorothy asks.

"Actually, I don't want them anymore. But now, I have to keep you from entering that city!"

"Can you hurry up? Dracula's gotta pee!"

"Oh, fine! I'll just leave you with some friends!" The Red Guy buttwalks around in a circle three times, licks his foot, picks his nose, and cleans his ears out with his tongue.

"What the heck is he doing?" Eddy asks. Suddenly, the poppies in the field begin to wriggle like snakes. The Red Guy repeats this bizarre assortment of motions until the seemingly harmless plants grow many times their original size and grow fangs and eyes. The monstrous poppies have the group surrounded, with no way around them.

"I hope you have weed killer!" The Red Guy yells as he disappears with a puff of red smoke.

"What do we do now?" Ed asks.

"Well, maybe their just illusions meant to scare us." Double D suggests.

"I doubt it." May says. Suddenly, a thorn-covered vine grabs Eddy and drags him into the field.

"Oh, no, they've got Eddy!" Ed shouts in horror.

"Good, they can keep him!" Dorothy says without sympathy.

"Bye, bye, George Washington!" Carrie waves at Eddy as he's dragged into the maw of one of the evil flowers. Ed puts on a Viking helmet and pulls out a spatula.

"These evil plants will never be able to defeat Loathar!"

"I hate plants!" May pulls out an axe from behind her back.

"Guardian ARM, Flying Leo!" One of Dorothy's bracelets transforms into a giant blue lion with wings and it attacks one of the giant poppies.

"With the flipper of my forefathers, I will vanquish these terrible creatures!" Ed charges into the thick jungle of evil plants, wielding his spatula. May calmly enters the horde of vegetation, slicing away at any plant life that stands in her way.

"Dracula wishes he had some popcorn!"

Ed is having a blast slaying poppy monster after poppy monster, his crude weapon proving to be very effective at slicing through the soft stems of the flowers.

"This is fun!" Ed yells, stabbing a formerly harmless poppy in the head. It screams in pain and withers away.

"Ed, you idiot, get your butt over here and save me!" Ed turns and sees Eddy barely keeping the jaws of one of the floral fiends from closing down on him. Ed runs over to give aid to his friend, but Eddy finds himself looking at the inside of the beastly flower's mouth. Ed stabs it and it withers, freeing Eddy.

"Yuck! I'm covered in plant drool!"

"You're welcome, Eddy!"

Meanwhile, Dorothy's guardian is tearing the poppies to shreds without any difficulties whatsoever and May is tirelessly chopping away. Dracula, Carrie, and Double D watch in amazement.

"Hey, blonde girl, why don't you do something to help?" Dracula asks Carrie. For no reason, Carrie removes her head, turns it around, and places it back on her neck.

"Ignorance can be bliss, I suppose." Double D watches Carrie bump into things and laugh. Ed sees her and starts laughing.

"Ha! Ha! Carrie's funny!"

"Blonde girl reminds Dracula that he needs to clean his dentures."

After much fighting and plant-directed violence, the armies of man-eating poppies are defeated. The field that was once full of beautiful flowers is now a barren wasteland covered in plant juice and giant, dried up leaves. Ed, Dorothy, and May regroup with the others. Double D is trying to help Carrie literally pull herself together, as she has completely fallen apart.

"I hope this teaches you to be more careful in the future, Carrie."

"Whatever you say, George Lucas." Double D frowns.

Dorothy nearly tackles Double D. "Did ya see me Double D!? No disgusting plants will ever eat you as long as I'm around!"

"Well, I didn't really see any of it. Someone had to look after Carrie, and Dracula wouldn't do it."

"Yeah, Dracula's no babysitter!" Dorothy frowns with disappointment.

Eddy emerges from a pile of dead thorns, his face and arms covered in scratches and bruises.

"I'm glad that's over."

May swings her axe over her shoulder and says, "I wouldn't get too comfortable, Eddy. If you ask me that was almost too easy." Suddenly, the Red Guy falls out of the sky and lands on the ground with a loud thud.

"So, you think I'll give up that easy? Well, it just so happens I have a few more tricks up my nose!"

"What do you mean by, 'up your nose'!?" Double D asks in disgust.

"Well, I'm not wearing a shirt, so I really can't say up my sleeve." The Red Guy replies. "Now that you're all tired from that fight, it'll be easy to defeat you!" The Red Guy pulls out a carton of eggs and pelts the group with them.

"That's it! Dracula's mad now! Dracula…" Dracula slips on some egg yoke and falls to the ground.

"That's it! You've annoyed me for the last time!" May raises her axe over her head and stomps over to the Red Guy.

"Oh, no you don't!" The Red Guy pulls out a small hammer and taps May gently on the head. May rattles violently and falls apart.

"Enjoy putting your friend back together!" The Red Guy disappears again.

"Dracula's tired of that guy not wearing pants! Makes Dracula's eyes hurt by looking at him."

"Uh, was that supposed to happen?" Ed asks.

"Hey, May doesn't look so good."

Eddy picks up May's metal head. "Hmm, I wonder how much money I'd get if I sold her to a junk man?" May wakes up and bites him on the hand. Eddy screams in pain. "Get her off, Double D!!!!"

Double D puts his hand over his eyes and shakes his head. "Ed, could you give me a hand?"

Ed picks up May's right hand and gives it to Double D. "This joke is older than my Mesozoic fossil collection, Ed."

"Hey, Dracula found a metal arm! Dracula could use this to scratch his back." The arm punches him in the face. Dracula fights the arm.

"Dracula, go help Eddy," Dorothy commands the retired vampire. "I'd help him myself, but I hate him."

"Not now, witch girl! Dracula's arm wrestling!"

"Can we go to McDonald's now?" Carrie wails.

It looks like things aren't going so good for our seven heroes. Will they be able to help May pull herself together? Will they make it to the Emerald City without another run-in with that pantsless guy? And will Carrie ever get to go to McDonald's? You're just going to have to wait until the next chapter!

_Author's note: For those of you who haven't visited my profile and seen this note, my e-mail address is unavailable at this time. I am currently working on fixing this problem. Thank you!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: **

**The Emerald City**

Last time, this unlikely group of heroes was defeated by that weird pantsless man, and May was literally broken up about it. They have put her back together with the best of their abilities and are hoping to get some help from the residents of the Emerald City. May has her head and an arm reattached, but something isn't quite right…

"ED YOU IMBECILE!!!! MY HEAD'S ON BACKWARDS!!!!! If I had full mobility of my arms, I'd tear your face off and boil it in acid!" Unfortunately, May isn't able to do much, as her pieces have been stuffed in a mesh backpack and are being carried on Ed's back.

"Maybe we should've taken her mouth off…" Eddy grumbles. The group reaches the gates of the city. Beside the door is a simple doorbell. After the group exchanges weird glances, Double D extends his finger to press the button.

"I want to ring the bell!!!" Carrie says, grabbing his arm. "Please! Please!"

"Okay, okay, just please stop squeezing my arm!" Carrie lets Double D's arm go and it swells.

Carrie presses the doorbell and laughs. A smaller door opens and Kevin's face peeks out. Carrie ignores him and rings it over and over again.

"Hello! I'm here!" Kevin shouts.

"Yay, is this a giant McDonald's?"

Kevin looks at the tired, battle-weary group and yells, "Dorks!" His miniature door slams shut.

"Dorks!?"

"Um, could someone tell me why that guy said, 'Duck!'?" Carrie asks.

"KEVIN, YOU JERK!!!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!!" Eddy starts pounding on the door. Ed joins in.

"WILMA, OPEN THIS DOOR!!!!!!"

"I just realized something! If Kevin leaves us stranded out here and it gets dark, who knows what creatures will come after us!?"

"Probably lions, tigers, and maybe a bear or two."

Watching from the woods are Yogi and Booboo.

"Uh-oh, they're on to us, Yogi!"

"Don't worry, Booboo, old buddy; I've got a plan B!" They go into the woods.

"Don't worry Double D, I'll handle this guy!" Dorothy uses her broom to fly over the wall and into the city.

Seconds later they hear Kevin and Dorothy talking, but they can't understand anything they're saying. All they know is that Dorothy's yelling at him.

"Okay! Okay! Just put that thing away!!!" Kevin throws a switch and the city gates swing open.

"Finally! It's about time you let us in!" Eddy complains.

"Yeah, um, your very persuasive friend made me see that I was wrong to not let you in..." Dorothy stands behind Kevin and smiles innocently, her hands hidden behind her back.

"Dracula needs to find a bathroom."

"TO MCDONALD'S!!!!!!" Carrie runs off into a crowd of people.

"Can I go with Carrie?"

"No, Ed, you're responsible for my safety and well-being, so my needs are first. All I need is a metalworker."

"Tallyho!" Ed runs off in a different direction with Double D.

"Let's go have some fun, short boy!" Dracula says.

"Lead the way, my friend!"

Dorothy pulls her hands out from behind her and in one of them is her Ring Dagger. "Consider this a warning, if you cause any of us but Eddy any more trouble, I will kill you!" Kevin's face turns pale and he faints. "I knew you'd see things my way." She smiles and meanders off into the crowd.

The city itself is made entirely out of emeralds, hence its name. The only thing not made of the valuable gem is the walls, which are made of some marble-like metal only found in Oz. The cities are crowded with people that appear to be dressed for St. Patrick's Day. There are many oddly-named restaurants, most of them on the street corners, but much to Carrie's dismay, there's not a McDonald's anywhere to be found.

After dropping a very cantankerous May off at a metalworker's shop to be reassembled, Ed and Double D join Carrie. They wander around a bit, just to take in the marvels of the magnificent city architecture, well, maybe Double D is. Ed and Carrie are just searching desperately for a McDonald's. Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Dorothy has found Eddy and Dracula in a disco. They are dressed in sequined clothes from the 1970s. Eddy's wearing big sunglasses and a peace medallion.

"What the heck are you two doing!?" the witch asks, almost in the same mood as May.

"Dracula and Short kid are getting our groove on!" Dracula spins around.

"Yeah, so make like a tree and get lost!" Dorothy leaves in a huff.

May still hasn't lightened up and is sitting in the metal shop, being worked on by three, small robots made of copper and run by clockwork. They're welding her foot on.

"Ow! You stupid walking hunks of junk! That's not how you weld metal!" May clobbers the robot welding her foot on and the other two back away in fear. As May finishes the job herself, Double D, Carrie, and Ed walk past the shop.

"An interesting fact about the Emerald City is that the city is run by a wizard whom none but the ambassador has seen. Every day, the ambassador goes into his chamber to consult the wizard about the city's problems and to feed the wizard. The wizard himself never leaves his chamber, but it is rumored that he doesn't take kindly to outsiders or anyone else to enter his chamber unless it's the ambassador." Double D reads in a pamphlet given to him by a friendly tourist agent. May finishes carefully welding her other foot on and meets them outside, the other two robots polishing her up.

"So, what have you guys found out about this city?"

"It doesn't have a McDonald's…" Carrie says, sulking. Double D hands Mat the pamphlet and one of the robots attempts to polish her face.

"Would you get lost!?" She tosses them both against the wall and smashes them to bits. "Hmm, interesting…" May reads on.

"Faol krop," Ed says randomly.

Suddenly, everyone but May, who is too absorbed in the history of the city to notice anything else, hears a familiar voice yell, "DOUBLE D!!!!!!!!!" Double D is halfway turned around to see who's yelling at him, but all he sees is a flurry of pink hair and he finds himself down on the ground, Dorothy clinging to him and kissing him on the cheek repeatedly.

"Ed!!! May!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!" He screams, but May is too busy reading to notice and Ed is laughing at him.

May finally realizes what's going on and says, "All right, break it up you two! We need to go find Dracula and Twerpy."

"I know where they are…"

"Yes, Carrie?" May asks her friend skeptically. 

"Um, they're fighting ravenous zombies in the sewers using giant rubber chickens and stale marshmallows!"

"We must go and help them!" Ed props one of his feet on a fire hydrant and holds his fists up in the air in a heroic pose. Dorothy, May, and Double D stare blankly at their two friends, not sure of how to respond.

"As I was saying, we need to find them so we can see this 'wizard'."

"Why can't we just leave them? Whenever I saw them, they seemed to be having a good time!"

"Well, Dorothy, I'd like to leave them here almost as much as you do, but it would seem that we have no say in the matter." May points at Ed and Carrie who have ran off to try to find their friends.

"Wait! They're going the wrong way!" Dorothy says.

"ED!!!!! CARRIE!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!" Double D screams above the noise of the city. Carrie and Ed return to the group obediently and they follow the pink-haired witch to the location of the greedy Ed-boy and the elderly vampire. Minutes later they come to a building with multicolored lights flashing through the cracks in the door and disco music that is so loud, the windows vibrate!

"They're in there."

"Looks like fun!" Ed says.

"Pretty lights!" Carrie stares into the bright lights.

"If they're here, then we probably will never get them out!"

"Leave that to me!" May barges through the front door and the sound of a needle scratching against a record is heard. Suddenly, the sound of breaking furniture and glass fills the air and every person walking by stops to see what the commotion is all about. When the noise finally settles down, May comes out, dragging a battered and beaten Eddy and Dracula.

"Whoa, smart girl can fight! Didn't let Dracula fight back," Dracula says. Eddy passes out.

"Um, Ed, I think Darth Vader just died!"

"NNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Ed screams as loud as he can.

"Relax, Ed, he's just unconscious."

"Oh, okay!" Ed picks up Eddy and repeatedly slaps him hard in the face. "Eddy! You can stop being unconscious now!!!"

"Ed, you idiot! I'm awake!!! STOP!!!!!"

"Well, now that we're all together, let's go see this wizard so we can get things back to normal!"

"Wiz, wiz, time to wazz!"

The group uses the map on the back of the pamphlet and come to a big metal door. Double D politely knocks on it and Sarah answers.

"Ed!!!!!! Tell your stupid friends to get lost!!!!"

"But Sarah, wiz, wiz, time to see the wizard!"

"Get lost, or I'll tell mom!" Sarah slams the door.

"Sarah, you little brat, LET US IN!!!!!!" Eddy pounds on the door in frustration. At that point, Johnny steps up to the door and starts talking to Sarah.

"Hey, I got an idea! May, get your boyfriend over there to let us in," Eddy says.

"For once, Eddy, I'm going with your idea!" May walks over to Johnny and they talk for a few minutes before Sarah opens the door all the way.

As the group stares at the dark hallway, they wonder what this wizard will be like, except for Carrie, who's wondering when she'll finally get to eat at McDonald's. Will he be able to help them? Will Eddy come up with another great idea? And will May ever stop beating up people? You'll just have to wait and see…


	5. Chapter 5

**A Wizard of Oz Parody**

**Ch. 5: The Not-so Wonderful Wizard of Oz…**

Last time, our group finally made it to the Emerald City, and…Hey! What's going on?

Everyone is sitting on the ground in front of the door leading to the wizard's chamber. Carrie is pulling straw out of her ears, causing her head to shrink, Eddy's playing a red Nintendo DS with a RETRO sticker on the back, Ed is napping, May has a bored look on her face and her head is propped on her hand, Dracula is humming the song, _Disco Inferno,_ and Dorothy has Double D wrapped in her arms. Double D isn't too happy though.

"_WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING????? THE CHAPTER HAS STARTED!!!!!!!"_

"What? Oh, sorry," Eddy says, putting away his Nintendo DS. Dorothy reluctantly releases the brainy Ed-boy. Double D dusts himself off.

"Well, I can see that our talk about personal space failed to get through to you, Dorothy." Double D looks over at Carrie and her head is as limp as a latex mask. "Oh my, um could we have a second? Carrie! What are we going to do with you?" Carrie just laughs and Double D re-stuffs her head.

"_Fine! Just hurry up! We don't have all day!"_

"Okay, Ed! Time to wake up!!!!" May kicks Ed and sends him flying into the wall.

"Huh? Whoa, what happened!?" Ed says, waking up. The rest of the gang stands up and stretches.

"_Finally! Now we can get this fanfic on the road!" _

"Wait. Dracula's lost! What were we doing before the last chapter ended?"

"_You were about to go in those doors behind you."_ Johnny runs in.

"Sorry I'm late! I was grabbing a bite to eat," Johnny says. "Okay follow me."

Sarah opens the door and the group starts down the seemingly endless hallway. The walls are made of black marble and the floors are white tiles peppered with different shades of blue. The only door in the hall is the one at the very end. The hall is well-lit in some spots, but in others, it's dark.

"Um, sorry about the lights. I haven't gotten around to change the bulbs," Johnny apologizes.

"That's okay, Johnny," May says.

"Wow, it reminds me of that one part in that movie, _The Matrix_!" Ed says, gazing around the hallway.

"So, who exactly is this wizard?" Dorothy asks.

"I can't tell you. You have to find out on your own."

"And why not!?" Eddy asks, mildly irritated by Johnny's answer.

"How the heck should I know? I just do what the script says." Johnny looks at a piece of paper and reads.

"How come we never got a piece of paper?" Carrie asks.

Double D tried to look at the doorway at the end of the hall to try to tell how big it was, but it was so far away, he had to squint just to see that it was a door and not a brown square painted on the wall. Almost an hour went by and the door still seems far away.

"Are we there yet?" Carrie asks.

"For the hundredth time, Carrie, NO!!!!"

"How about now?"

"Carrie, every time you complain, your voice resonates throughout my metal head and it gives me a migraine!" May says, trying to act as calm as possible.

"Oh, sorry. Would it help if I gave you some cheese and ham? Cheese and ham always makes me feel better!" Carrie tries to give May a handful of shredded cheese and cubed ham, but May just growls.

"Johnny, the group is growing restless. Can't we take a break?" Double D asks. Behind him, Dorothy and Eddy are arguing again.

"Oh, yeah, well if it wasn't for me, you would've been squashed by that giant stone guy!" Eddy screams.

"You didn't do anything but hide! As I recall, you were the only one who didn't even try to help me! Even Carrie tried to help, even though all she did was throw a sandwich at the golem. No offense, Carrie."

"Why would we stop now? We're already here!" Suddenly, they were at the door.

"But-but, that's impossible! We were far from the door!" Double D says in shock.

"Normally, Double D, I'd be just as perplexed as you, but at this point, I don't really care! Being made of metal isn't exactly a walk in the park. Whenever someone talks, it reverberates in my metal head!"

"No wonder she's been a grouch since the second chapter!" Eddy whispers to Ed. "At least she's calmed down since Jug-head showed up!" Ed just smiles.

"Well, I'll go in and tell him you're here." Johnny opens the huge, wooden Victorian-style doors and walks in. The group hears a booming voice that doesn't sound so friendly scream at the bald-headed kid. Johnny pokes his head out the door and says in a shaky voice, "Th-the wizard w-will s-see y-you…"

"Well, are we ready?" Dorothy asks with confidence.

"I like cheese and ham!" Carrie shouts. May covers her ears and recoils in pain.

Johnny opens the huge doors slowly, sending a long, loud _creak _echoing through the hallway, and much to May's discomfort, her head. The group walks into a huge room. The room has walls covered by great curtains and in the middle of a pond is a great elevated platform surrounded by giant cauldrons filled with fire. A cloud of purple smoke engulfs the top of the platform and the image of a wooden board with a smiling face appears.

"Is that _PLANK!!!???_" Eddy, Dorothy, Double D, and May ask.

"**WHO DARES DISTURB ME!!!!???" **A booming voice asks the group. May covers her ears.

"Ow, could you please not talk so loudly?" She whimpers.

"**SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** **I DID NOT GIVE ANY OF YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!!!!**"

"Hi, I'm Carrie, and I like cheese and ham! Do you like cheese and ham?"

"**HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OUT LIKE THAT, STRAW WOMAN!!!!? YOU ALL SHOULD BE AFRAID OF ME!!!!" **

"Dracula's not scared of you! Dracula demands that you get him out of this suit, or Dracula's gonna lay the beat-down you!"

"**WHY ARE NONE OF YOU QUAKING IN FEAR OF MY PRESENCE???**"

"Because all of us have seen this movie a million times, and we all know that you're just some stupid old man sitting at a machine behind one of these curtains!" Eddy says.

"Not me!" Carrie whines. "I wanted it to be a surprise

"Yeah, way to go, Eddy!" Ed adds. "You ruined it for everyone!"

"But, Ed, you and Carrie are the only ones who don't know!" Double D says.

"Shut up, Double D!" Ed yells. Suddenly, he gets hit in the head by Dorothy's broom.

"No one, and I mean NO ONE, talks to Double D that way!"

"Yes! For once, I'm not on the other end of Dorothy's broom for once!"

"**You shouldn't believe what you see in the movies,**" the voice says.

Carrie wanders off and looks behind one of the curtains. "Hey, guys, there's a talking board behind this bed sheet!"

"Carrie, how long are you going to stay in your little world?" May asks, not taking the time to see that her friend is really telling the truth.

"But, he's real! Just like the sumo wrestler that came the other night and shot a bazooka at the wall!"

"Carrie, you and your childish imagination! I remember when you told me that, and when I went to check, there wasn't even a hole in the wall!" May turns around and sees Plank sitting at a chair in front of a Dell computer hooked up to the platform and a webcam on the top of the monitor. "Huh?"

"**Um, PAY NO HEED TO THE STUPID ONE POINTING AT THE WOODEN BOARD! THE BOARD IS ONLY AN ILLUSION!!!!!**"

"NO ONE CALLS MY FRIEND STUPID!!!!" May grabs Plank. He makes a screaming noise.

"P-please don't hurt me!!!!" May throws him on the ground in shock. Carrie picks him up and cradles him.

"Stop it May! You're scaring him!"

"Let me go!" Plank pulls out of Carrie's arms.

"Lucky piece of wood. I wish Carrie would hold me like that…" Eddy grumbles. Dorothy hits Eddy with her broom.

"And nobody says stuff like that about _my _friends!" The witch snaps. "So this is the great 'wizard of Emerald City'?" She says sarcastically. "I expected you to be, um, taller!"

"Yeah, everyone says that. Now, allow me to introduce myself."

"Dracula already knows your name's Woody! Now shut up and get this dumb costume off Dracula!"

"Okay! Johnny, take care of our guest, please." Johnny gently props Plank against the wall and salutes him.

"While you're at it, Bald Kid, bring Dracula some peanuts!" Johnny runs up a flight of stairs and comes back with some scissors and a bag of peanuts. He cuts the lion costume off Dracula and gives him the bag of peanuts.

"Yay, peanuts!" Carrie says. She tries to take them from Dracula and the two become engaged in a fierce tug-of-war for the honey-roasted snack-food.

"These Dracula's peanuts! Get your own, Blonde Girl!"

"Boy, these peanuts are heavy!" The peanuts slip out of Dracula's hand and he falls down. "This must be the 50 more bag." She looks around for Dracula. "Hey, where did Dracula go? I wanted to see if he wanted some peanuts."

"Don't bother him, Carrie! He's sleeping!" Ed says, pointing at the ground. Carrie crams the bag in her mouth, chews them up, and swallows them, package and all.

"So unsanitary!"

"Carrie, you're supposed to take them out of the bag first!" Dorothy says.

"While I'm at it, does anyone have any real questions? I see all and I know almost everything!"

Ed gets down on his knees to get closer to Plank. "Oh, great Plank, is Oreos for breakfast really the start of a very cool day?"

"Like I said, I know _almost _everything!"

"Well, can you make everything go back to normal? I have scamming to do!"

"I might could, but you have to get some things for me. I need the pantyhose the Red Guy keeps in his wallet…"

"Wait, why the heck does he have pantyhose in his wallet!?" May asks.

"Don't ask. And I also need fishing line, a box of crayons, a photo of me from the Christmas party last year, and some wood varnish."

"Well, it sounds like most of that stuff can be found in the city, so this shouldn't be so bad."

"Um, actually none of the stuff can be found anywhere in Emerald City. I was surprised at first, but out of all the stores in Emerald City, not one of them sells wood varnish, crayons, or fishing line! But the Red Guy has the photo and pantyhose in his wallet, and he also has this nice little shop that has the rest of that stuff. Johnny, let me borrow five bucks to get this stuff."

"What? You're bumming me out, buddy!"

"Oh, quit whining! I'll pay you back!" Johnny gives Double D a five-dollar bill.

"Well, I guess we better get moving." Double D says. The group walks out of the room.

"You're not seriously going to spend the money on that junk for Plank?" Eddy asks Double D.

"We are if we want everything to go back to normal!"

"Oh. How about you let me keep it safe for now? Oh, come on, old buddy, old pal!"

"Well, um…"

Dorothy grabs Eddy by the ear and yanks him away from Double D. "LEAVE DOUBLE D ALONE!!!!!! He knows what he's doing." She puts her arms around the sock-hatted Ed-boy's neck. "Right, Double D?" Double D sweats nervously.

"Is there a McDonalds where we're going?"

"I seriously doubt it, Carrie…" May says.

The Red Guy is watching them on his…PLASMA TV!!!!!!! (Nope, no crystal ball here. Hello! Who wants to watch something on a boring old ball! Besides, the TV has better reception and the picture isn't as fuzzy.)

"So, there coming to get my embarrassing photo of Plank and pantyhose, eh? WELL I'LL FIX THEIR WAGON!!!!! And when they're out of the way, I'll take over the world, AND NO ONE WILL EVER WEAR PANTS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA…ack! Ack! I'm choking…GAH!!!!! SOMEONE DO THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER!!!! Shouldn't have…laughed…while….eating…weenies…" The Red Guy rolls off in the floor, holding his neck.

This doesn't sound good. Will the Red Guy stop choking? And if he does, will his plans succeed? What does Plank want with all that stuff and why is he talking? And will Carrie ever realize that there's no McDonald's in Oz? Most of these questions WILL be answered in the next chapter, so stay tuned…


	6. Chapter 6

**A Wizard of Oz Parody**

**Chapter 6: Storming the Fortress**

The Eds, Dorothy, Carrie, May, and Dracula are…

"Hey, why Dracula's name last? Dracula wants to be first!!!!"

Fine!!! _Dracula, _Dorothy, Carrie, May, and the Eds are leaving the Emerald City and going to the Castle of the wicked, um, witch, Bob Pantsoffsky.

"Bye, bye, Emerald City!!!" Carrie says, waving back at the majestic city carved from the valuable gem for which it was named.

"Dracula says we call a limo! Dracula's been walking since Chapter 2!"

"I seriously doubt there's a bus stop or taxi in Oz, Dracula, so we don't have a choice." Double D says.

"Walking is so tiring!" Dorothy pretends to be exhausted and falls over on Double D's shoulder and Double D frowns. Eddy looks on and makes fake gagging noises.

"I say we use that money to buy jawbreakers!" Eddy remarks, his hands crammed in his pockets.

"But Eddy, if we don't get this stuff for Plank, we'll be stuck in Oz forever, and plus, there aren't any jawbreakers in Oz."

"So," Eddy pulls a thread out of his pocket, a box of three melted crayons from Ed's coat pocket, a glue bottle filled with gravy from Carrie's pocket, and Dorothy's hat. He then draws a picture of Plank wearing a Santa hat drinking eggnog. "We'll give this junk to him and tell him it's pantyhose, the photo, wood varnish, crayons, and fishing line." Dorothy jabs Eddy in the face with her broom.

"Give me my hat!" She places her hat back on her head. May stares at the rest of the junk Eddy gathered and Eddy spits out a few broken teeth.

"Eddy, this stuff can hardly be counted as anything off Plank's list! This isn't even a full box of crayons and this bottle is filled with gravy, which is nowhere near wood varnish!"

"Fine, we'll get the stupid stuff!!! I better get paid for this…" Eddy rubs the side of his face where Dorothy jabbed him in pain.

Carrie looks around at the surroundings. Instead of giant, leafy trees like on the yellow brick road, the trees along this trail are completely bare with nothing but an occasional raven perched on one of the branches. Every crow they pass seems to be staring at the group eerily. After a short walk through the dark, almost completely dead woods, they come to a large Scottish-style castle precariously perched on top of a mountain; the citadel seems like it would fall to the ground below if even a feather landed on one of its huge stone walls. A sign is nailed to a tree reading "ALL VISITORS MUST PULL PANTS OFF WHEN ENTERING AREA, OR ELSE!!!!!!" Below the sign is a skeleton wearing pants. Double D trembles with fear at this sight until Dorothy makes a closer examination of the bones.

"Hey, this thing isn't even real! It's made out of that stuff, um, what is it again, Double D?" Double D looks at it closer.

"Plastic. It's just a cheap, plastic Halloween skeleton!"

"Dracula don't care if it's made of Wolf Man's puke! Dracula just wants to get the stuff for Woody so Dracula can go home and watch _Sanford and Son_!"

The group suddenly hears a familiar, annoying, loud voice coming from up the trail. Standing in front of a huge doorway is Bob Pantsoffsky pointing his finger at a small chicken in some sort of weird armor and holding a spear.

"What do you mean, 'I don't get paid extra'?"

"ALL YOU'RE DOING IS GUARDING THE DOOR, YOU DUMB DUCK!!!!!!! Before you were just guarding the latrines and now, you're guarding the front door. THINK OF IT AS A PROMOTION WITHOUT ANY EXTRA PAY!!!!!!!" Bob buttwalks into the huge doors.

"This'll be easy!" Dorothy says, grinning evilly. "All we have to do is stay quiet and…."

"CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!" Ed and Carrie jump out of their hiding place and run full speed towards Chicken.

"Oh, cra-!!!" Before Chicken can finish, he's being squeezed to death by Ed.

"So much for staying quiet…." May mumbles. The rest of the group follows after their two friends.

"LET GO OF ME'S!!!!" Chicken squirms out of Carrie's arms. "THAT'S IT!!!!! I QUIT!!!!!!" Chicken pulls his armor off, throws his spear on the ground, and storms off into the woods. "Eh, that stupid red guy can guard his own stupid castle!" Suddenly, Yogi and Booboo jump out of the bushes.

"Hey, Booboo old buddy, how about we have some fried chicken?"

"That sounds good! I'm starving, Yogi!"

"Uh-oh!" Chicken runs away with the two talking bears chasing him.

"That was easier than I thought it would be…" Dorothy says, a large sweat drop on her face.

"I hate Hannah-Barbara cartoons!" Eddy says.

"Eddy, cartoons don't exist!" Double D informs his loud-mouthed friend.

"If cartoons don't exist then WE don't exist!!!" Double D frowns.

"Well, at least this armor will come in handy." Double D picks the suit up and examines it. "I suggest we use it to disguise one of us and pose as a guard bringing prisoners into the castle and when they're off guard, get Plank's stuff and leave!"

"Sock Boy's stupid! Dracula say we go in and take the stuff!"

"I'm with Dracula!" Eddy adds. "This fanfic is cutting way into my scamming time and I want to get out of here as soon as possible!"

"I think I'll go with Double D's idea. Charging recklessly into that castle would be idiotic and injudicious. We have no idea what traps are hidden in there and there's probably an entire legion of guards protecting this guy."

"That's, um, nice, but I'm going with Double D's idea just because it was Double D's idea." Dorothy throws her arms around Double D's neck and Double D blushes with embarrassment and a sweat drop slides down the back of his face.

"I want to be a soldier!!!!" Ed shouts. He tries to put the armor on but it's too small.

"Well, Ed certainly can't play the role of the soldier. What about Eddy?"

"Forget it! I'm not wearing some armor belonging to that Red Guy! It might be diseased, or something!"

"That's something I'd expect from Double D, Eddy!" Ed blurts out.

"Double D's a good actor. Make him wear it!" Eddy puts the armor on Double D. At first it seems to fit, but falls off Double D's bony shoulders.

"Curse my small stature!"

"Dracula not wearing that! Dracula just got out of wearing some stupid lion suit!"

"Well, I'm made of metal, so the suit would make noises every time I'd move, which would give us away, and Dorothy's too tall, so I guess Carrie's going to have to wear it." The group turns around and looks at Carrie, who is playing in the dirt with her finger. She faces the group and tries to wave, but her arm falls off. She laughs and the group sweat drops.

"Uh, maybe we should get someone else to play the soldier, May," Dorothy says.

"We have no choice. Eddy and Dracula won't wear it and it won't fit me, you, or Double D, so Carrie has to be the soldier."

A few minutes later, Carrie is wearing the armor and it fits perfectly. Carrie has a heroic look on her face, until the helmet falls over her eyes.

"HELP!!!! THE HAT'S EATING ME!!!!!!!!" Double D takes some straw from Carrie's arm and uses it to hold up her helmet.

"Are you sure we can't make Eddy wear the suit?" Dorothy asks May.

"It's too late. Carrie's already wearing it and I don't think she plans on taking it off anytime soon…" Carrie picks the spear up and strikes a battle pose.

"Yeah, and she looks hot in it, too!" Eddy says. A vein pops up on May's forehead and she smacks Eddy in the back of the head.

"We should be fine as long as Eddy can keep his head out of the gutter!!!"

"Dracula's thirsty! Dracula wants a Pepsi or maybe a Red Blud…nah! Dracula wants some lemonade!"

"Here you go, Dracula!" Carrie gives the famous vampire a thermos. Dracula drinks some, but it isn't lemonade.

"BLECH!!!! BLONDE GIRL MADE DRACULA DRINK GRAVY!!!!!!!!!!!"

"So, I guess we're ready…" Double D says. Everyone but Dracula nods.

"Dracula wants to strangle Blonde Girl!!!! Blonde Girl try to kill Dracula!!!!!!!!" Dracula charges at Carrie, who is smiling naively at Dracula. Dorothy stops him by clubbing him on the head with her broom.

Well, their plan is good, but it's has one big hole in it! Will Carrie be able to focus long enough to sneak the group into the Red Guy's fortress? Will Eddy ever learn to keep his mind out of the gutter? And if that wasn't enough, they still have unknown dangers waiting for them in that fortress! Will they survive them??? Well, I don't know, so go asks some smart guy who knows everything!!!!!!!!!


End file.
